塵封了的。。

心血來潮，就決定在弄木薯糕時，也乘机洗我那被灰塵淹沒了的車。平時看起來還，不錯的車，在慢慢擦洗後，才發現，不行吶！干嘛我的車那麼多刮痕哪？？

我們，有時候，會不會讓灰塵淹沒了一些東西而把它們完美化了呢？或，讓虛偽的假像遮蓋了真正的自己？

發現到很多人都不能誠實地面對自己，包括基督徒。有些時候，我們做了一些事，明知是自己的自負或自私的慾念在背後操縱，卻不願承認。不能誠實面對自己的人最可悲吧？把自己丑陋的一面用灰塵把它遮蓋了，假裝它不存在，覺得每件事和錯發生必然是因為別的因素，不是自己。

自大與自私是人纇最大的弱點。

周五，把個廠長的臉气得七彩了！無奈，她的上司信任我。謙卑點吧，雖然我的年齡和妳女兒一樣，但，我很不幸地，比妳懂生意和管理多了那麼一點點。我很喜歡妳，所以也不想妳被裁。請明白，我是在幫妳。

啊。。好睏，忙了一整天。謝謝您回答了我的禱告。請您給我智慧來完成您托付給我的任務吧！

RT，謝謝你。

Austrian psychiatrist, Victor Frankl: Every freedom can be denied by a man except the freedom to choose your attitude, and that suffering is not an obstacle to happiness but often the necessary means to it.

每個自由都有可能被人拒絕或阻攔，除了你怎麼選擇自己心態的自由。受苦不是通往快樂的絆腳石，反而常是必經的道路。

錢

金錢──可以買「床舖」，但不能買「睡眠」；可以買「珠寶」，但不能買「美麗」；可以買「紙筆」，但不能買 「文思」；可以買「房屋」，但不能買「家庭」；可以買「食物」，但不能買「食欲」；可以買「娛樂」，但不能買「快樂」；可以買「諂媚」，但不能買「忠 誠」；可以買「伴侶」，但不能買「朋友」；可以買「服從」，但不能買「尊敬」；可以買「權勢」，但不能買「智慧」；可以買「肉體」，但不能買「愛情」；可 以買「武器」，但不能買「和平」。

摘自：對「錢」的感歎

今天，和老板聊起了福利和扣稅的話題，他說，他的年薪沒怎麼得扣，後補上說，再過個五年，我就會和他一樣了。照常理來說，人聽見這，都會很開心吧？而我，卻好像無動於衷，反而令我陷入沉思。錢和事業，雖然重要，但並不是一切。更重要的是，那不是我最想要的東西吧。夠吃，夠用，就很足夠了。太多，可能會更煩呢。。。

我就是這麼怪。

難得糊塗

突然記起曾經會取個 “Hehehaha”這種代號的我，嗯。。去哪兒了？

職場如戰場，要學會笑看風雲。

記得小的時候，曾經看過這﹣“難得糊塗”的聯。當時不太明白為何人會那麼笨，要糊塗呢？現在漸漸明白了。有時候吶，把事情看得太明白，就會很容易不開心，也會不小心變得太執著，那，又何必呢？盡力就好。是消極的態度嗎？也許，不過，開心就好！

“聰明難，糊塗難，由聰明而轉入糊塗更難。放一著，退一步，當下心安，非圖後來福報也。” ﹣﹣鄭板橋。

有時我會想，上一代的人，看著我們這一代的人為些事情煩惱，他們是否在暗中搖頭嘆气呢？

愿，心安。=)

LoVe

Someone once told me, "You have to love the person he/she wanted to be loved, not the way you wanted to love them." I pondered on that thought and never seemed to understand it till now.

Should we try to love another person the way he/she wanted to be loved? Or love the person however way we wanted to and thinking that they should understand?

It probably would be quite lonely and insecure to be in a relationship where the person loves you the way he/she wanted to and expects you to understand. All the guessing and trying to convince yourself will eventually exhaust everyone involved.

How have you been loving your love one? The way he/she wanted it? Or the way you wanted it? Have you been listening to his/her requests? Or you chose to ignore them?

Although I understand it now, actually capable of doing it is another thing.

Listen with your heart.

閉上眼，往前走

總是要等到失去以後，才懂得珍惜。
總是要等到失去以後，才了解當初的猶豫是因為不懂得知足。
總是要等到失去以後，才知道沒有他的生活你能過得更好。
總是要等到失去以後，才明白，一個人更快樂。

該放手的就要捨得放手。世界這麼大，必然有你我容身之處。人生路還那麼漫長，沒有誰少了誰就不能活的事。閉上眼，往前走，前方還有很多美麗的風景等著你。。

Why do I have Deja Vu? Oh, that's because I was there.

夢中的愛情

zui jin, zai wo shen bian fa sheng le yi ge man, ling ren xin wei, ye xin dong de ai qing gu shi. liang ren, dou bu gu yi qie di, jue ding xie shou zou wan yu sheng. wo xiang, zhe, xu yao hen da de yong qi ba. fang xia suo you, he ni yi qi zhong lao...

ji de kan yi bu dian ying shi, nu zhu jue de fu qin shuo le zhe me yi ju hua, "mei ge nu ren, dou you ta meng xiang zhong de ai qing" wo hai man zhan tong zhe ju hua de. shi de, hen duo nu ren, dou you meng xiang zhong de hun li, qi shi, meng xiang zhong de ai qing cai shi jue ding yuan bu yuan yi tuo fu zhong sheng de zui hou na ke qi zi ba?

ni zhao dao le ni meng xiang zhong de ai qing le ma? ni you yong qi fang xia yi qie he dui fang zhong lao ma?

hun yin, qi shi cong lai dou mei you bao zhang de. ji shi zai yi qi hen jiu hou cai jie hun, ye ke neng hui nao li hun. you xie qing lu, cai ren shi le ji ge yue jiu jie hun de, fan er cheng le na ge yi sheng yi shi de. zui zhong yao de shi, na fen xin dong he ta suo neng gei ni dai lai de gan dong ba?

tu ran, you suo gan kai...

dong tian lai le...cai fa xian dao, wo hai mei zhun bei hao guo dong. hao leng na...

好久沒有寫些什麼了。。被人罵了。嘻嘻。。我過得還好啦，還沒死。

今天有點悶悶地，睡了一個午覺的關係？明天又要出差了，很無聊啊！而且，剛剛才想起，我忘了租車！！上禮拜實在是太忙了，都是出差惹的禍。希望明天還能租到我要的車吧。。不然。。。
哎。。希望能快點把這份企划弄完吧，我真的不太想和老板倆個人單獨去出差了，感覺很恐怖，很壓力，很失去自由。這周末老板的女兒打電話來說要和我聊天。。真無奈，連周末都不能擺脫他的陰影。這就是我不太喜歡和工作上的人有來往的關係了，很沒有自由。

今早去了間蠻特別的地方吃早餐，還喝到了久違的好咖啡，令我想起了在教授家的那一段日子。好懷念那每天早上起來慢慢嘆咖啡，看報紙，不著邊際地聊天的日子。看著窗外的雪景，想想外面的冰冷，緊握手上冒著煙的好咖啡，就覺得，好幸福吶。。

有時，幸福可以就那麼簡單，是人把他想得太複雜了。要求得越多，就會去追求得更多，追求得越多，就會越去在意那得與失，也更容易就會因不滿而不快樂了。

過去是過去，卻不能把他當做不曾存在過。是要懂得怎麼放下，才能不讓過去影響現在的生活。要警惕自己，不可在意那些過去了。。要向前看！

祝，心愉。

結婚

想不到妳竟然還不想結婚，出乎意料。還以為妳會是個巴不得快點嫁給他的人呢。。原來我錯了。兩個人在一起久了，會不會就不想結婚了？心境的問題嗎？還沒準備好嗎？還是害怕改變現狀？沒有信心嗎？愛，是不足夠的。現實生活遲早或可能會把愛磨滅，能夠相處才比較重要吧。加油了！希望妳能克服或找到妳心里的障礙，然後做個明智的決定。不是非嫁不可的。。單身也有單身的快樂呀！更何況天涯何處無芳草嘛。。

我是我自己最大的敵人；You are your own worst enemy.
再看看吧。。時間，時間。孽緣。。借過，借過。

Love & Being In Love

"I love you, but I am not in love with you."

The first time I heard this from a friend of mine, I thought it was just a ridiculous excuse a person is giving another person to break off the relationship. The second time I heard it, I understands what it meant.

It is true that we can love a person, but we are not in love with that person. I have said "I love you" to quite a lot of people, guys or gals, but I am not in love with them. That's because we all started out as friend and have always stayed as friend.

Wouldn't it be sad if you started up being in love with someone and ended up just love them? How did that happen? The passion you once shared dissipated over time? The lust for each other vanished? The reality have made life becomes a routine and just changed everything?

That raise another question. Can you started out loving someone and ended up being in love with him/her?

Yet, is being in love with someone better? Or loving someone is better? Which is the one that we should sign up for if we are planning for forever? What happen when we are no longer in love? We call it a quit? Or we just stayed around because we love each other? No passion, no lust. Is that love? Or is that just a responsibility and habit?

Is love overrated?

Blog

In 2008, I have only posted 8 entries for my blog. It is almost end of the month and we are stepping into June, the month that signify half of 2008 is almost gone.
I guess getting older, do make you think twice before you post anything on the blog. Are we afraid of being judge by the things we wrote? Are we afraid of telling what is in our mind? Are we afraid of open up our heart? Why are we all hiding under a mask? Is it so hard to take off the mask after you get off work?

Loren's District 19 TM motto is:
Speak from your heart, your message will start.

How many of us can actually speak from our heart? What are the consequences when you actually speak from your heart? How many people would actually care? Will they just laughed at you for your naiveness? Or they will show you sympathy and comfort? When they do show you sympathy and comfort, would you think twice about their sincerity and their motives behind it?

Wonder, is it the job? Or is it me getting old and become more cautious?

I miss my girlfriendss...

呆

才發現，原來那頭豬是真的要結婚了！還以為她又再和我開玩笑而已。嗯，也好吧！是時候讓她定下來了。老友，別怪我不相信妳，我們之間有太多的前科了！嘻嘻嘻。。恭喜啦！恕我不能回去參加囉！

唉，看來我是到了收請柬的年齡了。哈！可笑，也可悲。自由沒有啦！對我來說，還是有點可怕吧！一生一世哩！每天對著同一個人，白頭偕老。。。嗯，也許不是吧，現在的離婚率是五十巴仙，也許不是真的一生一世吧。無所謂吧，離我還很遠的事，就別想得太多。況且，像我這種貪新鮮的個性，加上相信人生中的每件事都是一個經驗的人，還是不要出去禍害人群吧。

唉，明天又將是無聊的一天。開會，開會，夠無聊！這份工太悶了！！腦都快要發霉了！呼。。。

單身萬歲！！

Thoughts..

The best way to kill a leader is to keep them busy.

When we are busy, we don't have time to think about purpose of life.
When we are busy, we forget what our dreams are.
When we are busy, we are busy.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

The auditor gave this comment to my GM and me (refer to our working relationship) at the end of the inspection. This phrase kinda stuck in my mind.

Can I be the successful woman instead of the woman behind the man? Is this a compliment or is this...

Is there some sort of gender discrimination in this statement? Can it be the other way round?

原來還有很多事情都不是我想像和以為的那樣子。原來我低估了自己。原來畢業了也未必代表未來的路纖會更清晰。

原來我很討厭我老板！！

每當彈著琴的時候，就會想再回去讀書。
我永遠都不會是個鋼琴家。發現到，我不喜歡被節拍束縛著，喜歡快，就快；想慢，就慢。太過自我了。其實，在不傷害他人的情況下，自我點又何妨呢？
人生，就那麼短暫，或，漫長，就開心點地活下去吧。

人不可貌相

吃著桃子的時候，對"人不可貌相"這句話產生了一些疑問。

一顆外表漂亮，口感很好，又甜又可口的桃子，吃著、吃著，慢慢吃到中心的時候，才發現，核是發霉的！綠色的霉菌，資意地在核心中繁殖著，令人看了都覺得想吐！趕緊把桃子丟了，當時，第一個想法就是，"人不可貌相"。但，再深思一層，卻發現其實我在買的時候根本沒機會或無法知道那顆桃子是好的、還是壞的，除了把他切開了才能知道。

吃桃子，我們有機會把他買回來切開來審查，但，要點是，我們必須先擁有那個桃子。如果不是屬於你的桃子，你怎麼能夠把他切開呢？你去買個桃子，你總不會告訴那老闆，要他把桃子切開來給你審查吧？那你買了後，回家把他切開來，壞了，也不可能拿回去向老闆退貨吧？（除非你真的很欠揙）好吧，買個桃子，不會很貴，丟個壞桃子，也不會很難，對人呢？
我們是否有機會把那個人剖開來看看他們的內心是否是狠毒的呢？如果一個人就像那桃子一樣美麗、甜蜜、爽口，我們又要如何去發覺呢？

買桃子，你還有機會可以丟掉壞的桃子，人呢？我們是否可以買了個人，然後發現他是個爛桃子而把他拋棄呢？那，拋棄爛桃子的人會不會也是個殘酷的人呢？還是我們可以削掉爛的部分，睜隻眼，閉隻眼，得過且過地，把那顆桃子吃下去，暗地里希望自己不會因此而病死了？而且，要發現一個人是不是個爛桃子，有時候也需要蠻長的一段時間吧？因為人畢竟不是桃子，你不可能說要剖開就剖開，也得看那人願不願意。

帶眼識人。

名字

嗯，我老媽和老豆似乎覺得他們生的女兒性格還不夠奇怪，所以想要我再換個名，換成“綺”字。天哪！干嘛要個那麼女性化的名字呀？奇怪的奇還好，反正我本來都有點怪了的，加個絲字邊，似乎怪理怪氣的，真搞笑！

我還好，他們還想把老大的名換成“嫦”，嫦娥的嫦！很不給面子地，我馬上暴笑得從床上滾了下來。不是說我姐有什麼不好，可嫦娥的“嫦”，未免太。。。*咳咳*

他們說，我們倆的名字太不普遍了，別人很難記得。哎，要普遍嘛，好，我就換個“乞”，乞丐的乞或“欺”，欺侮的欺或“棄”，拋棄的棄，總可以了吧？我媽快要被我氣死了。其實我該換個“气”字，反正我那麼會气人！嘿嘿嘿。。。

最後，我干脆告訴我媽，我姐就用那“嫦”字，而我呢，就用麒麟的“麒”，反正兩個都是不存在的傳說而已，而且，每個人都知道這幾個字。

好好的“菡”字或“萁”字有什麼不好呢？如果換個名真的能改命的話，為何還會有那麼多人每天都在過著痛苦的生活呢？外國人的英文名，又能怎麼算呢？

不但得換名，還得買個名牌來帶，真。。。

星期天，和朋友去了另一个教会，牧师要我们祷告，我却站在教会中，思考着，有什么好祈祷的呢？发现到，我无所要求。

我始终相信，该来的，始终会来，该发生的，怎么也逃不过。是种对生命投降、对人生放弃的心态吗？还是种过于乐观的看法？

Meteor Shower!

Meteor shower is tonight, 1am CT. Gotta work tomorrow, no meteor shower for me. Am I lack of romantic cell? Hahahaha..
Expecting them, waited for them and see them, there wont be surprise in there. See them when you least expected, that would be better. Just like love?
KH said, use your imagination and imagine there would be a meteor shower everyday. Optimism? Good point though.

I did a very out of my expectation thing on Friday. I can't believe I am that straightforward to a friend that I haven't known for the period long enough for me to be that bloody honest. That's another thing I learn from work, "Say it as it is, No bias, Be fair". Maybe should evaluate what causes my short temper a bit..hehe..

KH once asked me, "Refused to grow up is more pathetic? Or growing up is more pathetic?" Found the answer today, "Growth is not an option, is a mandate".

Time to wind down from a nice weekend and prepare for work tomorrow. Hopefully, I can find the courage and strength to ask for what I want this time. I don't like to lie but, if I have to, I have to. Wish me luck!