Shaken Faith

Most of the time, life gets so busy that the only time that I do not have to follow a schedule is weekend. So, I usually go to bed very late on weekend and ended up being too tired and do not pray before I go to bed. However, tonight, I felt like I needed to pray.

We went caroling today at a nursing home. My heart was filled with gratefulness tonight while I was praying. I started thanking God for everything that He had blessed me with, my health, my job, my finances, my shelter...I have never really lacked anything that I need! Yes, there are things that I want but those are not my needs. All my needs are taken care of.

As my prayer goes on and I started praying for XY, God spoke to me through the songs we sang. Yes, we sang of Jesus' birth and His redemption but the most important fact that we very often overlook is God's marvelous work and His plans that never failed. Tears started streaming down my face as He pointed that out to me. I have lost faith and hope through these trials and this period of waiting. I was not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel! I am scared, worried and frustrated. My faith were deeply shaken. Despite praying about it everyday, I did not have faith that something is going to happen. I prayed about it because I know I need to pray about it.

Thank God for pointing that out to me. I need to adjust my attitude and faith. I need to be like the woman in Matthew 9:20-22.

嘿嘿。。

呃。。最近太忙了，連曾經最愛逛的部落格也被我遺忘了。記得買了電話卡，要給馬克先生打個電話，都拖了四個星期了，還是沒打。好糟糕噢！真抱歉，還令他從遙遠的香港打來。。嘿嘿。。

接下來的幾個星期，還是一樣，很忙！嘿嘿。。可能再過兩個星期才打給你吧！

今天還過得不錯。七遲八遲才起身，弄了早餐、咖啡，邊讀書，邊吃早餐，好悠閒！下午，清清公寓，改改 XY 的簡歷，弄一下菜，待會兒就去朋友家吃飯了！

改了改部落格的設計，待有空再回來玩吧！

Pressure

Pressure cooker is the appropriate way to describe my current work condition. Office politics, project politics, coworker's pressure, project pressure etc etc...

I started to realize and willing to admit that I am who I was. I have not changed much. One of the reasons I changed my major from PR to a scientist was human interaction. I do not like the envious, fake-friend, backstabbing, gossiping, walking on the egg shell kinda relationship. My office mates are...like that. I never liked to associate with coworkers, especially coworkers from similar department. Too much competition and it does get ugly. I still like my own little world, yes, my own little world with me & my job [.] If you could give me an office by myself, things would've been different. I am not sure if it is going to be better but I would have more control over it compare to now. Sigh...I just wanted my office...

Sigh...for quite a while, work had not cast a shadow over my weekend or weeknights. Now, it kinda started to seep into it again. The thought of going back for R.D. kept lingering in my head. This job has the potential to become very successful but I am not enjoying it. I like my freedom and friendly interaction. I like being able to enjoy my weekend & weeknights without thinking about the next day/Monday and dread over it. Do I want to go back for a R.D., and start everything from scratch? Or do I want to stick around this job and hope for the best to come?

O Lord! May You show me Your way and guide me. May it bring glory to Your Name and Your Kingdom!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Update @ 1:56a.m.
1 Corinthians 10:13 - Guess I will stick around for a while... =)

Ross King - Great is Your Love

My favorite song but was unable to find it for a while. The truth is, it was there! I was just a little too impatience.

Hmm...I started to find outside food uninteresting/unappetizing. I have been wondering why until...

XY and I have been experimenting with food lately. Last 2 weekends, we tried to make a salad dressing for a pear walnut salad. The raspberry salad dressing did not turn out too great, appearance wise, on our 1st attempt. It turns out to be more like an Italian dressing consistency when it was supposed to be like the Panera's Apple Chicken salad dressing. However, on his 2nd attempt, he blended them with red onion in a fruit juicer. The blending did the work! I was quite impressed with the quality of the dressing. Now that I realized that it is not hard to make my favorite salad's dressing, I became quite reluctant to order that salad if I do go to Panera again.

Hmm...I guess when I learned how to make the food, my frugalness kicks in and I became reluctant and unwilling to pay for the food that I know how to make or sometimes, able to make it better and healthier!
There goes with my take on Italian restaurant...and American restaurant...

Life Lesson

XY once asked in our Friday night Bible study, "What is the question you would ask God when you see Him one day?" My answer was, "What's next?"

Although I believe that we will be in heaven when we die and there will be no reincarnation, I am still hesitated about going to heaven. I felt like there is nothing to look forward to after being in heaven. I felt like this life is so much better with challenges and uncertainties…until lately.

Injustice is a common thing in this world. There is nothing much we can do about it. I was really unhappy about the whole situation but the only thing I could do is, suck it up and keep going.

For the past few months, I have been trying very hard to stand up strong despite everything else that seems to be going the wrong way around me. Sometimes I felt so tired to have to carry all these things with me. Sometimes, it felt so heavy that I just wanted to run.

This morning, on my way to work while listening to BBN, I realized that I have been too arrogant to admit that my life is not perfect or as happy as I wanted it to be or if there is even a complete happiness on this earth. There are too many uncertainties and unfortunate events. Finally, I am willing to humble down myself and admit that – No, I do not want to relive this life; No, I do not want to be reincarnated; No, I am okay to just finish this life and go to Heaven for good.

Being screamed at by the same guy twice this week. Ha! Life as a white collar worker. Glad that it wasn't my fault.

Life is still pretty okay despite some of these unfortunate events. Glad that the week is almost over. Another big day tomorrow.

快要凌晨三點了。。好安靜。

聽著時鐘滴答滴答地嚮，生命也跟著一點一點地在流失，荒廢著。今晚突然不想睡覺，沒有睡覺的衝動。

最近很想放逐自己，去流浪。工作做了快四年了，卻覺得好累了。看來，我是不愛被約束的人。小時候，學鋼琴和芭蕾舞時，最討厭的是算拍子。結果，鋼琴也干脆不學了。老板老板，我要假期。老板老板，我要出去走走。

哎，還是去睡覺吧，免得明天像條死魚。。

X-hausted...

Need a looooooong vacation.

The pressure from work seems to pile up as the day gone by. On the start of every week, I looked forward to the weekend to come by. Life should not be lived that way. The work seems to be more and more despite my effort to cross of the task on my to-do list everyday. I just needed a get away with no stress. No money stress, no human interaction stress, no job stress, no future planning stress...nothing! It seems hard to even find that kind of day!

Just leave me alone for a while. I need to unwind. Don't ask me to do anything or go anywhere, let me stay home. I just wanted to be ALONE! Oh, by the way, I am introvert.

Should I? Should I not?

The long abandoned space - my blog.

Pondering...Should I? Should I not? Kinda love it here...Sigh...What's there for me? What's the future? I need the VBS Binocular.

Mission trip...Should I? Should I not? Kinda too late there, ain't it?

Rain...what do "they" mean? Are they showers of blessings kinda rain? Or "What's up with you stubborn slow mover" kinda rain?

O_o Sometimes I wished that life's answer is that easy to figure it out.

Guide me, O Lord.

VBS is great this year, glad that I helped out. Sometimes not following the book is not such a bad thing. Think outside the box. Youth is a tough time, huh? How was my youth? I guess I did survive much better than most youth in the US? Life is tougher when you are a minority, huh?

Oh well, nice talking to you, dear blog. Might come back to bug you once in a while.

Feeling like....a cup of coffee tonight. Anyone to drink with? Me, myself, EC & You. =) May You guide me in every step I take.

Hmm...who am I to judge? Do my own part. =)

Silence...

So quiet tonight. Been a super busy weekend but now, everything seems so quiet.

Roommate is asleep, RL is asleep, Santa is asleep, the Grinch is asleep, God and I are...awake. =)

Things have been great lately, I think. Chinese school teaching is more in an under control situation despite the overwhelming preparation for each class. After completing my Chinese school prep last night, I started to think that I should respect my teacherssss more. Not that I didn't respect them, I just usually hmm...rebel against them. Haha...Oh well. I wonder what my teachers thought about me when I was 4-6 years old. Am I a good learner? An obedient child? A troublemaker? Or I am just a stupid little kid. Hmm...

My kids started learning pretty early. They are in Chinese school at 3 or 4 years old. I don't even remember holding a pencil and trying to write when I was 4. Should I say they are lucky? Or should I feel bad for them?
It is quite challenging being their teacher since their attention span is like 5 minutes at most. +_+ I have to create all these activities beforehand and also on the spot. They are pretty much my lab rat to test it on. I have to be authoritative but yet loving so that they wont be afraid of me. Oh God, what had I gotten myself into?

Many many many things are on hold. Waiting on The Lord. Please continue to guide us, O Lord. Matt 6:13 - Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

Speaking of waiting on The Lord, RL and I are doing this study plan and we are on Genesis yesterday and today. In Genesis 24:14 and Gen 28:21, the way they spoke were like challenging God. Hmm...I guess that was Old Testament and it was not so much about faith? Hmm...

幸福

幸福，原來就是那麼簡單。謝謝您，謝謝你。

有些被咬了好幾次的人，當幸福來敲門的時候，卻會很害怕把門打開。雖然最終可能把門打開了，也還會不自覺地令訪客感到不受歡迎而離開了。^_^

加油加油！謝謝您的祝福，期待您將為我們帶來的驚喜。人生應該就是要這樣子過的，雖要安於現狀，卻不可沒有上進心。雖要有期待，卻也要有隨遇而安的心。

消失

最近，從網絡中消失了。FB也好久沒花時間去理了，更別說MSN了。別人的近況，都不太清楚，有點慚愧。
我們都到了在FB保持聯絡的地步了嗎？如果不在FB上關心別人的近況，是不是會讓別人覺得我們不在乎他呢？FB是否成為了友情的衡量，也成了一種非看／非理不可的壓力了呢？好想把FB戶口擺入冬眠。。冬天嘛，冬眠一點都不過份吧？

今晚只想靜靜地在家休息。好久沒一個人呆著了。好好。

老友們，我還活著，只是比較慢動作點地活著。
我很好，一切都很好。聖誕過得很好，新年也過得很好。^-^