我忍你！！他妈的狗娘养的死杂种！！

Just another bad day..

My favorite song. Cheers me up every time when I am having a bad day. The music video is quite cute..

Disappointed.
Why would a person take the credit away from you? When things happened, all he knows is find out who made the mistake and followed by screaming, yelling, and swearing. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Every time, I ended up finding the solutions and fix it right away and minimized the loss. I have always trusted him and confided in him with things going on around this place. I am very disappointed. I despise people like him. I used to not care and didn't notice about it but when it kept happen over and over again, I started realized that, he is just like every other people here. It is very, very disappointing. Am I really such a big threat to everyone? Why are they so afraid of giving me credit for what I did? That's just life, isn't it? It's time to accept the truth and reality about life.

All the production we have been doing for the past few days, ended up being a waste of time and money. All the fuzz and stress we went through, all for nothing. Troubles and problems kept surface here and there. Equipments, careless mistakes, weather, workers...all you can name it. I have never seen so many problems occurred at once in a day since I started working here! Tiring. They are looking at a Saturday production. Sigh..Felt so sorry for the production workers. I am NOT coming in this Saturday. Fire me, for what I cared, and, SCREW you.

Wish I can fast forward a month, then I am looking at a possible career change. Urgh..this visa thing is killing me.

Going to bed..have to get up at 2 to go to work tomorrow. Need some alcohol to put me to sleep. Hahaha..More than half bottle of red wine is gone, I should stop now. Switching from beer to red wine since someone kept pushing me to try drinking wine. Hehehe..

Ooops! I did it again!

Did another prank on my friend, HM that day (he is in HK now).

Me: Grandpa HM!
HM: "Nothing"? Muahahaha
Me: Got thing!!!
HM: What happened??
Me: I got married!! :D
HM: Who is soooo lucky?
Me: for visa purpose lah..is a fake marriage.. :D
HM: ...............are you kidding?
-------silence-------
Me: Wai Wai!! Heart attack??
HM: Really Heart Attack
Me: Wah..so geng..Still can message wor..Not calling 911?
HM: ....................Can I call you in 10 minutes?
Me: No...will scare me to death!! I am just kidding..Hahahaha..
HM: ....................I surrender..Can never win you on your pranks..
Me: YEAH..It is lonely to always be the winner.. *cry*

I know I am Evil *stare at you innocently* But, I can't help it! Muahahaha..
Sorry, HM. But I did deliver you the good news though..even though it took me a while to convince you to believe it.

Blacked Out!

Blacked out!! Complete Black out!!

Out of nowhere and out of a sudden, the whole apartment went dark! I was in the shower and was reaching for my shampoo when everything just went dark! I am just glad that the black out is a step ahead of me. Otherwise, you will see a crazy woman with shampoo on top of her head running around the apartment trying to find some light. Fortunately, I was cooking earlier and was burning some scented oil to get the cooking smell out of my house. There, my only light!

I went on to shut all my windows and double locked my door before I went back to shower (side effect of watching too much thriller movie). As I was done showering, I was doing the regular lotion and all that, I looked at myself in the mirror and remembered one of the scene in one of the ghost movies/stories I heard. I think it was that if you light a candle (it has to be red or white, can’t remember) at 12am and peel a red apple in circle without breaking it in front of the mirror, you will see the face of your future husband. I think there is also something about if you break the peel, your future husband or yourself will die. Something like that.. I also heard about if you stared into the mirror for a long time at 12am, you will see something..and blah blah blah.. All those scary things. Anyhow, it kinda freaked me out. I quickly get things done and get away from the mirror cause the only candle I have is a red candle that looked like those my parents usually used to pray the god.

Now you know why I am afraid of dark!

First time ever, I am stuck by myself in complete darkness in an apartment that I don’t feel safe in. Phone is out, internet is out, TV is out, radio is out, everything is out including my cell phone that doesn’t have service in my apartment! I am just glad that my laptop is fully charged. That should last me for a few hours before I have to go to bed.

Now, I really need to change my service provider.

Now, I realized why people in the old times have more kids! ^-^

Now, I am officially a grown up!! Muahahaha..Ignore me, please.

Dessert Craving

Suddenly, I am craving for cheesecake. Not the cheesecake that you buy it from cheesecake factory, is the cheesecake that you can hardly find it in the US. I remembered the cheesecake years ago on a friend's birthday party. Didn't manage to get the recipe from my friend. Hmm..

I am a dessert/carb lover and I can eat dessert for dinner. CL can definitely be my witness on that. Since I came here, not much dessert in this country impressed me. Some of them are good, I don't deny that but they just never really THAT good. Their dessert might be good when you take the first bite but after a few bites, you just got tired of it or it got too sweet. Out of all the dessert I ate in this country, I particularly dislike cheesecake. They filled you up too quickly and their texture were never really good. Usually they are very dense and doesn't really melt in your mouth when you eat them. Ice cream cake, is not my favorite either. Their ice cream cake is just ice cream and it is boring! Still remembered KY made me that ice cream cake last year on my birthday..so nice...I want more..

It is time to buy and indulge in my kind of dessert. 2 more months! Hahahahaha..That's actually one of the things that I definitely do whenever I got a chance to go home.

At the meantime, let's see if I can get the recipe from my friend. Might challenge the cake baking business again after so many failures..Muahahahaha..

Don't read if you are already depressed..

None of us slept well last night. In fact, most of us didn't sleep last night. This whole thing have went way out of control. It is like watching a soap opera. It is just ridiculous!! After Voldemort and Aunt Petunia are gone, hopefully, everything can return to normal, even though Draco Malfoy is still here. Felt very bad for Ron Weasley. He might be the next one out the door since Draco Malfoy is working under him now. Sigh..there is just so much I can do for them..

First time ever, I swore so excessively at work and in front of my colleague. Yes, I do not swear at work. My temper is well controlled at work and I don't speak when I am mad at work.

Started realized that I am the only loner at work. KH brought up that point. She ran home crying on her lunch break and refused to come back. She called GM (her husband) at work and was crying on the phone. Yes, she has GM and her kids to talk to. Yes, they have their significant others and/or family member to cry to. Yes, I don't have anyone. Yes, I kept my mouth shut. Yes, I kept things to myself. KH asked GM how could I deal with all these by myself? Yes, how did I? Yes, how do I? Sleepless nights? Nightmare? Excessive drinking (caffeine, ok?)? Sigh...
I think, I stopped caring. When you work for a dumb ass and a bitch, you just stopped caring. The day I was being betrayed, they day I was being publicly accused and insulted, I stopped caring.

Had such a nightmare that GM is quitting for the past few days made me tossed and turned the whole night. Not fun.

Trying to evaluate myself from an outsider's perspective and find out what is best for me.

Work..

Yes, I have 18 kids

There are help and cure for almost everything except STUPIDITY and there are NO research study currently being conducted to cure this disease.

For some reason, I really don't know, GM pulled me into his office today and told me that only he and Voldemort can do the job of letting me go. Hmm..wonder who said something to him yesterday? Anyway, thanks for making me feel better.

Found the culprit of the whole problem, finally! Yet, not much we can do about it. Will try a little testing here and there. Mother nature does play a big role in product quality. Salute! Please, let me have a smooth winter production..

Production started picking up now. Been running production 13++ hours a day and this Saturday, is another working day. Should I go? Or should I not? Probably should..sigh..Foresee hell coming.

Involved in the decision of letting someone go. Throwing your temper at work is absolutely inappropriate especially when you start throwing the product around and affected the quality of the product. I dislike and despise immature work attitude. Sigh..why does it always have to be like that? Wish we are running a charity house like McD, hire those people with slight disability and I can use my sympathy and don't have to let them go. Tried to convince GM to put her into some other easier position but..

Being a 25-years old in a management position is really not easy! Very often, you have to answer questionsss about how many kids you have right now!! Gosh! I have 18 kids, ok? Their age range from 26 - 62. Sigh..I am such a successful mum and housewife! Hahaha..Being asked 3 times within a week! Speechlesss.....

CC #7 - Probiotics

Ho.Ho.Ho.Ho....Merry E-C!!
HO.HO.HO.HO....MERRY E-C!!
SUCCEED!!

Tried something different today in the speech I gave. I am quite surprise that it turned out better than what I thought it would have been and they actually liked it. Never thought that I would make it. I was very hesitated and have ZERO confident that I could pull the stunt. I made a boring and technical topic into a humorous and interesting one (they were actually cracking up!!). I surprised myself, indeed. I have a sense of humor? HA.HA.

4 down, 6 more to go! Yeah, I am very lazy. All my speeches took less than 4 hours to prepare. I did my ice-breaker as an impromptu and my friend was surprised cause I prepared the speech in front of him and ended up giving a completely different speech on the spot. Still have to work on my accent and pronunciation (Grrrr...).

HA。HA。HA。

Evil 1: you have to learn how to lie anyway might as well learn it now

Evil 2: ..........................

Dance..

It is like a slow dance..
It is like a beginner Waltz..
Back and Forth, Forth and Back..
One step forward, One step right..
One step backward, One step left..
Step after step, Dancing around the same square..
Spin after spin, Twirling around the same spot..
Keep the distance, Keep the square..
Keep the elegance, Keep the pride..
When the music stops, so does the people, so does the step, so does the dance, so does the chance..
No risk, no lost; No risk, no gain..

My ballet teacher once told (or yelled at) me, "Dance, dance freely, dance bravely, dance like no one is watching, dance like there is no limit! Dance around the dance floor and quit dancing on the same spot!"

A beautiful, elegant, solo ballet utilized the entire dance floor. Why do the beginner Waltz?

恍．慌．荒

人吶，為何要互相傷害呢？雖然是被傷害了，反過來看看，卻是慶幸的。一張白紙有兩個面，為何一定要固執地只看其中一面呢？希望她明白。

有些壞習慣是該戒掉的。有開始，就必須有結束。反過來走走。陽光總在風雨後。

心．欣．辛

Meteor Shower!

Meteor shower is tonight, 1am CT. Gotta work tomorrow, no meteor shower for me. Am I lack of romantic cell? Hahahaha..
Expecting them, waited for them and see them, there wont be surprise in there. See them when you least expected, that would be better. Just like love?
KH said, use your imagination and imagine there would be a meteor shower everyday. Optimism? Good point though.

I did a very out of my expectation thing on Friday. I can't believe I am that straightforward to a friend that I haven't known for the period long enough for me to be that bloody honest. That's another thing I learn from work, "Say it as it is, No bias, Be fair". Maybe should evaluate what causes my short temper a bit..hehe..

KH once asked me, "Refused to grow up is more pathetic? Or growing up is more pathetic?" Found the answer today, "Growth is not an option, is a mandate".

Time to wind down from a nice weekend and prepare for work tomorrow. Hopefully, I can find the courage and strength to ask for what I want this time. I don't like to lie but, if I have to, I have to. Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday.
It has been almost six years since we last spoke and many more years to come. Hope everything is well with you.
I still remember your last birthday and how proud I was of you for turning into a young man with many friends who loved you.
I still remember how much you loved us and how you were trying to save a huge piece of your cake for your little brother on your birthday party.
I still remember how surprised I was when our house was filled with your friends. You were a shy little boy with a short temper and I have never seen nor expected you to be a grown up with many friends surrounding you.
I still remember how we gang up to bully our little brother on your last birthday we spent together.
I still remember our last few conversations sitting on the couch in the living room in the middle of the night.
I still remember the last fight we had.
I still remember picking you up with my red scooter after my tuition class and how heavy you were and how you were trying to balance the motorcycle for me at the stop lights.
I still remember waking you up in the middle of the night because I am afraid of the dark.
I still remember mix and match my new clothes on New Year’s Eve and bugged you for opinion when you were reading comics.
I still remember you waited for me to bring you shopping for clothes after all your clothes were stolen.
I still remember you waited and checked on me when I stayed out late at night with friends.
I still remember you ran around the airport with our little brother trying to find a money exchange counter to give me more USD before I leave the country.
I still remember everything...
I still don't understand why you have to go and I know I never will...but I believe we will see each other again.
I miss you and I am sorry that I never told you I love you.

All In!

Made a huge decision at work today. Threw away 10,000 dollars worth of product. In fact, made this same decision last Thursday by recalling back product that we shipped out, that was another 10,000 bucks. The decision today was the hardest one. GM and CJ both did not want to give suggestion and let me make the call since they both know I can overwrite their decision (URGH!!). I was put on the spot. It was a hard call. It was a freshly made out of the oven product. That was nothing wrong with it except it did not meet our quality standard. That dough was water down.

CJ came to me right away after I stepped into the office and told me that the cookies are too flat. I was even jokingly teasing him, "How many times do I have to tell you not to piss AJ off?" When I walked out to the plant with him, I was shocked. 80% of the products were being kicked off by the weigh detector for being overweight. That does not happen very often with this product. Everyone was busy trying to fix the products, some of the kicked out products were stacked way too high and some people dropped them all over the floor..it was a disaster! I can't imagine how much cookies we had fed to the bottom of our shoes today!

I walked to the production floor, looked at the cookies and checked the temperature of the cookies, it was fine except it tasted like flour and it spread too much and too flat! I went ahead and talked to MM and JS to try to figure out how was the dough before they went into the oven. It was too wet! GREAT! Another AJ's trick. With the flatter cookie, the workers can't do the usual visual estimation when they were filling up the cookies and that's why they were all overweight and being rejected! 7 pallets! Messing with 7 pallets worth of product which supposed to go out in less than an hour! 6 hours worth of production!

I waited till the production was over and looked at the yield and decided to not send the product. With feeding almost 400 lbs. on the floor, how could the yield be higher than our average yield? Does that make sense to you?

It was my first time ever, doing this kind of call. Having to make that kind of decision in 15 minutes, it was scary! Adrenaline rush? No. I was petrified, actually.

GM and CJ went to ask AJ whether he used the wrong shortening and all sort of questions without even accusing him or whatsoever. I went back to ask AJ to fix the recipe book with the new recipes I printed him a month ago and he gave me the excuses saying that he doesn't have time and the oven was running too fast and he doesn't want to do OT because GM wouldn't like it. Hmm..you can do 24 mixes in a PD day, but doing 10 mixes in a Cookie day is too fast for you to catch up? Are you serious about that? Are you really sticking to that excuses of yours? C'mon, give me a break! Your initial should be written the other way round, JA.

Managing all these people are like baby-sitting. CJ and I were joking about whether it is our mistake that we didn't see Baby-sitting in our job description? Or it wasn't even written there.

After knowing that I am throwing all those products away, AJ got mad (I think). No one ever done anything whenever he played with the formula and now, there is someone who is doing something about it. He doesn't like it when he doesn't have the power to play the God role.

Finally, AJ called after he got home to look for MM. The news is, AJ is doing his All-In bet again -- Resignation. This is the 3rd time he is doing it. His reason? He can't work with CJ (very mature for a 44 years old guy). He knows it well enough that RV and LV (the witch) love him and they would do anything to make him stay (at least for the past two times).

Well, I am waiting to see what's going to happen next. If RV and LV really make him stay in an unreasonable way (they make him the supervisor last time) or whatsoever, GM and CJ would quit. As for me, I will follow their footsteps as soon as my visa is valid.

I know, it is a very very FUBAR company but, I really learned and grew up a lot from working here. It is a very expedited maturity pill and I am glad I am taking them. Hahaha..

Finally..

Got a few things taken care of in a night. Finally, the procrastinator is moving her butt and get things done. Any good news from either one would be good enough. Pray for the best, pray for a change.

GM told me today if I were to marry someone out of my race, he will definitely attend my wedding..Hahaha.. His advice to me:
1. Be open-minded, color doesn't mean anything.
2. Find a man who would cater to me rather than dating a guy with a first name Jack and last name Ass.

We started a whole new no dating co-worker rules, no dating customer/supplier rules. Hehe..It is a don't ask, don't tell policy. Those married, one of them need to be fired or divorce. Hahaha..Everyone is acting silly at work today.

Note to Myself

RW came up to me and asked me why did I try to own up to the mistake that he made. I saw a true man standing in front of me. The more I deal with people, the more of the ugly side I see of people. Few of them can stand up when they made a mistakes. It had always been finger-pointing and backstabbing. I had only seen this good trait in GM, MM and RW.

Honesty, is always the way to go. I owned up to the mistake because I think I could have prevented it but I was too caught up with other things and let it slide until it was too late to fix it. If I could have made that 1 phone call, just 1 phone call, none of these would have happened and RW will not be in that much of a trouble. I hope they didn't deduct anything out of his paycheck. He is one of the most respectable guys among all those people I managed.

KH made a mistake today and it can actually turned into a huge disaster but she is lucky. I caught the mistake she made but ended up, she is mad at me. Refused to talk to me, refused to look at me, give me the attitude..sigh..Isn't it nice when your husband is the GM? You can just throw shit at people even when you are at fault? You can twist and turn all the truths and facts and blow things out of proportion and get people into trouble and still make yourself look like an innocent girl being bullied? Sigh..it is time to go. I am waiting for that day to just walked up and said, "I had have enough of your fxxking shit! I quit!"

Waiting for that day to come..patiently..At the meantime, I will apologize to her just to make peace with her. You do not want to have an enemy like her at workplace. Isn't it fun being a grown up? Sometimes I am impressed by how well I handled my temper and tolerated these kind of ridiculousness. Glad that I was quite a social person back in high school and college.

Well, for the good thing, I had a very fun Toastmaster meeting today. We were all cracking up and laughing throughout the whole meeting. They all encouraged me to participate in the Evaluator competition. Am I that good of a evaluator? Should I go to the Judges training? Or should I just dropped out since I know I have 80% chances of not being able to attend the district competition?

Sigh..Air ticket is hijacking! I am screwed! Urgh!! Should've bought that Power Ball Ticket. Haha..Might win, who knows, right? Hehehe..Since I sometimes got luck in gambling..

TLI Training

After chit chatting with a friend during the post-TLI training lunch, I found out what my problem is! I don't like maintaining things, I like creating and challenging things. That's why, I am so bored at work lately!! Hehehe..

Joining Toastmaster is one of the best thing I have ever done to myself since I started working. Even though this city is very boring and I pretty much don't have a life here, but people from the Toastmaster club are nice and very helpful. The most important thing is, they are very special. All of them have a story behind them. Some of them survived from 2 or 3 strokes in their life, some of them went through 3 divorces, some of them have a bad relationship with their sibling and ended up have to go to courthouse with her, some of them survived from heart attack and now living with a battery pack and electronic heart devices, some of them was married and found out that he is gay and being rejected by the society....and all those different kind of people. From them, I learned to look forward instead of looking back and regretting or second-guessing those decisions I made. Pretty much every conversations I have with them, I learned something out of it. It all depends on how much I am willing to learn, they are all willing to teach and share. They are not afraid to tell me when I am slacking off and point out to me that giving something not-so-good is better than giving nothing because no one is perfect and nothing is perfect.

Seeing them suffering and bearing with their deteriorating health and life, I know how important it is to be healthy and to start thinking about future and retirement. Hanging out with older people is not a bad thing, at least you know you can have a decent, intellectual conversation with them rather than talking nonsense or gossiping about people. Gossiping is important at work, but when it comes to personal life, other than people I cared for, I consider it a waste of time.

URGH!!!!!!

When problem arises, you try to solve it! Not throwing temper nor pushing the responsibility around nor pointing fingers at each other nor yelling nor swearing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought guys are less emotional at work but it seemed like I am wrong. I am so tired and sick of all these unprofessional emotional roller coaster!!

What is the freaking big deal? Mistakes happened and you know that it is going to cost money to fix it! Instead of complaining and being mad about it, just use that freaking energy to solve it! I felt like talking to a politician, they never get to the point! They just go round and round complaining about it but no one try to find the best solution to fix it! Talk, talk, talk, NO ACTION!

TIRED!! FRUSTRATING!!!

Single? Gay?

Ok, I got a bet with someone that I will lose 3.5 lbs. by the end of this month (the bet was set about a month ago, I think). I don't really need to lose weight but, I can really lose some tummy fat. Hehehe..So, I decided to start running again and see if it works.

The place I live is kind of weird. It is few blocks next to the old free way and the housing area around there wasn't a very pleasant one (most people here are red neck). I don't feel very comfortable running around there and I decided to try out this new fitness center that has a Sauna, a racquetball court and tanning room (sounds very good, isn't it?).

I went there last night and ended up paying $8.56 for just one day. I still remembered that ISU only cost $5 to use that huge facility and we considered that expensive! After giving some thoughts, I planned to become a member of the fitness center since it cost about $56 bucks each month and is unlimited access. I went there, talked to the lady and I found out that if you join as a couple, it will cost you only $65 bucks per month!! Am I being discriminated for being single??!

I came back to the office, talked to N about it, and we decided to call and see if we could join as "couple". Sigh...there are so many ways people can keep gay people from declaring themselves as couple! They defined couple as "married". As we all know, most states here does not recognize gay marriage, so, gay couple is not consider couple! Isn't that sad? For once, I decided to commit to a relationship, they forbid me from it!

Sigh..being discriminated against for being single/unmarried, and being discriminated again when I decided to commit to a relationship!! Hit me twice in a day!

There are so many benefits for being married in the US, maybe I should consider finding a husband now. You got tax cut, you got cheaper insurance, you got medical insurance from your spouse if you are not working, this and that..and blah blah blah..PLUS! Cheaper fitness center membership too!! ^o^

Ok, Vegas, here I come!

KH started the whole speech about how everyone likes me and how those guys' eyes light up when they see me..and blah blah blah..AGAIN! Sigh..all started because CJ said goodbye to me when he left but didn't acknowledge her.

Honestly, most people in the plant do respect me, the old ones and the young ones. Not much people would argue with me in most decisions I made except my GM, of course (and is usually on the R&D part of my job). That really caused a lot of trouble for me because KH got jealous about that all the time. Well, what can I do? I just have the curiosity to learn everything, like to be on top of everything and doesn't believe that anything is impossible unless you really tried hard and failed.
I was so happy that day when I accomplished some tasks that those maintenance guys kept telling me that it wont work. Let a Food Scientist to figure out a machine for you? Hehehehe..(ok, getting a little bit ego here) From now on, that 60 years old maintenance guy started to show his respect to me. It is quite hard for a stubborn old guy like him to have a female boss who is less than half his age. I completely understand his feeling and why he acted that way. Too bad that the only person who can overrule my QC decision is the CEO. I felt embarrassed when the GM said that to all the people in the plant cause I am really waaaayyyy too young to be given this kind of power.
When CJ first started, he was pretty skeptical about my credibility and was being kinda rude to me. After seeing how everyone come to me with questions and problems, how other people respected me, and knowing that I pretty much know how to operate all the machines back there and all the things going on back there, he backed off. Now, he came to me all the time with the things going on back in the plant. I also understand that he needs me to show him most of the things that MM doesn't want to show him.

Respect and trust, is something that you have to earn. I think I have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish in this company. It is time to move on. Updating my Resume tonight. Job-hopping? Hehehe...Sometimes I wished I don't have the visa problem to worry about. That way, I can learn more things and be more flexible with life.

People do ask me how does it feel to be powerful. The truth is, I don't feel anything. I am not into the power game. I have seen how power backfired on people who played the power game. Hehe..Maybe I can use my power to say, "With the power invest in me, I now pronounce you...My Kaki!"

Ok, time to go to bed..dreaming too much..hehehe..

Praying Hard..

Oh boy! Oh boy!! Babies are popping out all over the place now..My god..
Congrats to all my friends!! Will pray hard for you all for a safe pregnancy esp MK. I know how long you have been trying to have this baby.