Just watch, my child, just watch

I told the Lord when I left my job back in February, "Lord, I don't really want a career right now, I am tired, can I take a break and just work as a barista for a while and You go and take care of the financial burden for us in a miraculous way?"

Due to my pessimistic attitude about going back to work/having a career, I did not put much effort into my job search. I sent out my résumé to 2 companies without putting any effort into following up with them and was being very picky about what job I wanted to apply to.

Eleven days later, He said, "Here you go, my answer to your request"

He gave me a job, a much easier and less stressful job that I like, with option for growth if I shall desire, and of course, a wonderful compensation. He answered our prayer in a miraculous and loving way and gave us more than what we have asked for.

Of course, whinny me started again, "Lord, I love my morning BSF, why did You give me a job that I cannot attend the morning BSF? I am gonna quit on You after this year cause I don't think I can do this anymore." Part of me was still lamenting over not being able to get my BSF notes in Chinese and unwilling to go back to night class if there is no incentive for it.

Once again, He said, "Here you go, my whinny child"

My BSF group leader called to introduce herself, she's about my age, from Taiwan and they have placed me in a hybrid group!! Ha!! God, You make me speechless. You know I have been worrying about finding a home church, meeting other sister in Christ in this town that I can trust and grow together, and You have just killed 2 birds with 1 stone.

Be careful what you wish for for He is good and faithful. :)

Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 121:1-2  I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

By Faith, We walk

The Retreat was purely accomplished by faith. A few people commented on what I have done for the retreat but to be honest, I do not think I have done anything. I think the only thing that I have contributed for this retreat was putting everyone into a position for them to serve. We are one body in Christ; without each other, we cannot function. This retreat is an example. The only reason it went well is because we worked as a team and were willing to serve each other.

This retreat has brought us closer to each other than ever before. Well, at least for some of us. Maybe you disagree, but to me, one step closer to God is also one step closer to your brothers & sisters in Christ. Experiencing the incident together, working as a team to resolve the issue and fasting and praying together were great steps in our relationship.

I never thought that fasting together could bring us closer but when I overheard some conversations regarding how the fasting went, I think the experience was a step forward for all of us in our journey of faith. Some of us had not fasted before and I admit that I am one of them. I thought it was going to be easy, 12 hours without food, but it turned out to be harder than I thought. There are so many temptations around me that I almost tripped. There were voices in my head that tried to convince me it was okay to sneak some snack and I was very very tempted! It is just like our life! There are so many temptations that can result in sin and we just have to keep reminding ourselves to watch out!

After everything that we’ve been through, I re-examined myself and my journey of faith. From the Sunday's reading, I realized that I have been busy serving here and there and have not spent enough time with The Lord. I worked on doing morning devotions the morning after we came back from the retreat. It was hard getting out from my warm comforter at 6:00am!

Through some conversations, I also realized that sometimes it is easier to justify ourselves and convince ourselves how godly we are by practicing morning devotion, reading Bible on a constant basis and praying frequently. However, without applying all these things we learn from the Bible into real life, we are no different than the Pharisees! We avoid people whom we find it hard to deal with, we avoid serving in church because there are too many conflicts, we avoid leading because we don't want to put up with all the opinions, we avoid this and that and...when can we put into practice the Christ-like characters we spent hours learning from the Bible?

Dr. Liu & Haedy's message was challenging and intriguing. Their testimony was very encouraging. It resonates in my heart for the past few days. To be or not to be? I need to figure out my "nard" and His purpose for my life.

Retreat Reflection

Once you accepted Christ, you are married to Him. You can no longer live your life as a single, carefree person. You should grow into who He wants you to be so that you can understand what He wants you to do.

I have been living a single, carefree life for...a very long time. I do whatever I want on my free time, or I should say, I wasted my free time however I want. From the retreat, I discovered how spiritually immature I am. Felt kinda terrified. The incident happened on the last night of the retreat is a warning, or also a blessing, since it is an eye-opener and a wake up call for me to stop wasting my time. I need to grow, I need to use my time wisely!

So, for 2011...here are a few to-dos:
1. Daily devotion habit (This is the toughest!)
2. Read the booksss that are long-overdue (Spiritual & Work)
3. Finish my GC process documents (yes, procrastinated for > 1 month now)
4. Finish my AIB coursework and get the certificate (It is a 2 years coursework but hopefully I can get it done in < 1 year)
5. Search for my "nard"

Gotta stop at 5. Need to take 1 step at a time...

BASIC Retreat

Retreat is finally coming, counting down...Praise the Lord, everything is finally in place and I finished the financial assessment, SG assignments, food purchase, bulletin, transportation, and the only thing left to do is to purchase the fruits & vegetables.

A new girl moved in town today and I was contacted to provide her a ride to the church next Sunday. XY suggested that we should invite her to the retreat, which is, this coming Saturday. I am hesitated. After we decided that today is the last day to add anyone and have announced it to the group, and me as the leader, turn around and add another person? I wasn't sure what to do. Asked AW and she said that it is too late to add anyone at this point. Should I just leave it as it is? Is that the "right" decision?

I am stressed out. Maybe I should drop myself out from some of those duties I took upon.

Shaken Faith

Most of the time, life gets so busy that the only time that I do not have to follow a schedule is weekend. So, I usually go to bed very late on weekend and ended up being too tired and do not pray before I go to bed. However, tonight, I felt like I needed to pray.

We went caroling today at a nursing home. My heart was filled with gratefulness tonight while I was praying. I started thanking God for everything that He had blessed me with, my health, my job, my finances, my shelter...I have never really lacked anything that I need! Yes, there are things that I want but those are not my needs. All my needs are taken care of.

As my prayer goes on and I started praying for XY, God spoke to me through the songs we sang. Yes, we sang of Jesus' birth and His redemption but the most important fact that we very often overlook is God's marvelous work and His plans that never failed. Tears started streaming down my face as He pointed that out to me. I have lost faith and hope through these trials and this period of waiting. I was not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel! I am scared, worried and frustrated. My faith were deeply shaken. Despite praying about it everyday, I did not have faith that something is going to happen. I prayed about it because I know I need to pray about it.

Thank God for pointing that out to me. I need to adjust my attitude and faith. I need to be like the woman in Matthew 9:20-22.

Silence...

So quiet tonight. Been a super busy weekend but now, everything seems so quiet.

Roommate is asleep, RL is asleep, Santa is asleep, the Grinch is asleep, God and I are...awake. =)

Things have been great lately, I think. Chinese school teaching is more in an under control situation despite the overwhelming preparation for each class. After completing my Chinese school prep last night, I started to think that I should respect my teacherssss more. Not that I didn't respect them, I just usually hmm...rebel against them. Haha...Oh well. I wonder what my teachers thought about me when I was 4-6 years old. Am I a good learner? An obedient child? A troublemaker? Or I am just a stupid little kid. Hmm...

My kids started learning pretty early. They are in Chinese school at 3 or 4 years old. I don't even remember holding a pencil and trying to write when I was 4. Should I say they are lucky? Or should I feel bad for them?
It is quite challenging being their teacher since their attention span is like 5 minutes at most. +_+ I have to create all these activities beforehand and also on the spot. They are pretty much my lab rat to test it on. I have to be authoritative but yet loving so that they wont be afraid of me. Oh God, what had I gotten myself into?

Many many many things are on hold. Waiting on The Lord. Please continue to guide us, O Lord. Matt 6:13 - Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

Speaking of waiting on The Lord, RL and I are doing this study plan and we are on Genesis yesterday and today. In Genesis 24:14 and Gen 28:21, the way they spoke were like challenging God. Hmm...I guess that was Old Testament and it was not so much about faith? Hmm...

信心信心

和翔聊了一會兒，突然開竅了。很難或還沒遇到，不代表不存在。是的，我對您的信心去了哪兒呀？加油呀！謝謝你，老友。

大衛先生被我气死了。。哈哈。。發現那 FB 的 Chat 還蠻好玩的。感謝主，有那麼好的一對夫婦朋友，幫我解決了好多困擾。希望明天會再是個自由的一天！還我自由！！

智慧，智慧，明天要分享，好緊張。>_<

睡咯，夜貓子。

O, Lord

Is this what You want me to do? Alright, I surrender.

Sunday combined service @ 11am.

Mission Trip's Missioner will do a sharing. I was picked and asked twice, by 2 different teams. The Block Party team and the VBS team. I guess, I will share then...

>_<

Despite all the public speaking/acting experiences in VBS and Toastmasters, I am still...going to be very nervous.

Lord, please give me wisdom and calm mind, help me to deliver your message to the brothers and sisters in the church especially the Chinese speaking group who rarely participate in VBS and Mission Trip. Hope my sharing will encourage them to join next year. =)

七四快樂！！

啊。。終於有得休息了。^-^

把今天該做的都做完了，除了今晚還要準備查經班的資料。嘿嘿。。第一次帶查經班，希望上帝會帶領我們吧！

把新來的男的朋友介紹給了弟兄們去帶，而女的呢，暫且就我來拉一把吧！這樣子比較好。

Ann 給了我一本書，Quest for Love，是一本單身或已婚人都應該看的書。剛開始看時，覺得，有點。。太嚴格了吧！再看多幾頁，我這個身邊充滿異性好友的人，都被說服得有點慚愧了。。

我們有時天真地以為男女之間是真的有友情的，但有些友情，卻是那麼地糢凝兩可，對大家都沒有好處。有些東西，你和異性朋友分享，你想得到的是什麼？可能你覺得是簡單的友情，但對方是怎麼想呢？而你未來的終身伴侶又是怎麼想呢？紅顏知己，一個就好了；同性的好友，是再多也無妨。看了之後，知道我該開始學會怎麼保持距離了。需要一點點時間來調整調整。

也把 The Five Love Languages 看完了。我的愛的物語是，QT。

最近，過得好充實。短宣也辦得很開心，很成功。學會了好多東西，也更了解自己的弱點和加強了自信，感謝上帝的帶領和幫助。當中也有好多和弟兄姐妹們的 QT，很滿足，喜樂。

澳斯丁的夜景

和煙花

和幾張不知道怎麼拍才算美的照片。

呵呵。。

看見煙花，純屬意外。再回到 UT San Marcos，也是純屬意外。憶起去年的今天，我也在這兒，被他招喚了。一年了。

願大家都有個愉快的七四。

夜深了，人也靜了，我還沒睡。

忙忙碌碌了好幾晚，還是，一樣？比較好了。

見證和分享了馬寶的奇妙恩典，開朗多了。嘿。。會更好的，明天會更好的。

發現了屬下在我背後做手腳，我卻沒說什麼，扮傻。有時，真的不想理。你愛怎樣就怎樣吧，反正，我無所謂。^-^ 沒怕過。。天下這麼大，必然有我容身之處。。何況，我光明正大，沒啥好怕，反而你每天像老鼠一樣戰戰競競，不是更可悲嗎？我不停地警告自己，不可以變得像你。

人哪，為何要那麼驕傲啊？要明白呀，天上有天，人上有人。。追求名利錢財是永無盡頭的。。

感謝主，身邊好多很好的朋友O~ 很開心。謝謝你們。。

好啦，我九月的勞動節洗禮喔。。別說我沒告訴你們。

笑一個。

約翰一書 4:18

最近这几天，一直看见这段经文，約翰一書 4:18 ：

爱 里 没 有 惧 怕 ； 爱 既 完 全 ， 就 把 惧 怕 除 去 。 因 为 惧 怕 里 含 着 刑 罚 ， 惧 怕 的 人 在 爱 里 未 得 完 全 。

说得容易，真正去实施，好像，有点难。多少人能做到爱人如己呢？人都是自私的。

End of VBS

"Amen....Praise the Lord"....Yeah, the crew leaders and the station leaders were asked to sing and dance to this song on the stage. We have to compete with the kids to see who can sing louder. It was fun! I had a great time. BASIC friends came to me after the event ended and told me I definitely need to go to Mission Trip with them because I know all the hand gestures to most of the song... >_<

I learned that when you have physical interactive games for the kids, instead of creating a more lively atmosphere, you are better off creating a gentle and soothing atmosphere. Otherwise, you are looking for chaos! Thank God that I got to do both today. That would help me to do a better job during Mission Tip.

Crying kids.
I was asking the children to answer some question and she got scared and started crying. Hmm...Hmm...Learned that I have to move on instead of paying attention to the kids when they cry. It will not make the situation better by me trying to comfort her.

Foul language
He was trying to gain attention by playing the sympathy card. I was left shocked and don't know what to do. Hey, they are not my kids, okay? I can't really punish them or anything because they are not my kids! In fact, I am friends of his parents and that actually kinda make the matter worse.
Thanks to Sophia, now I "kinda" know how to deal with them.

After working with the kids for the past few days, it makes me wonder though, if I really wanted children. What if I don't know how to raise them? What if they turned into one of those problematic kid? It was a lot of fun leading the children and play with them but...raising them? That is very challenging!
Oh well, I guess when the time comes, we will figure out. =)

Thanks to Aunt Mary's insisting/non-negotiable attitude and thanks to Sophia, I learned a lot out of this VBS. It has been an eye-opening experience.

VBS Day 4

On my way back home, I saw a piece of paper flapping underneath my windshield wiper. Oh! I got my car "serviced" by the Youth group..Haha...Unfortunately, while driving on the freeway, the strong wind blew away my note. Well, I will find out what they wrote later today when I go back and grab one of the youth leader.

Found out that I have a hard time praying with the children. You have to pray a short prayer because their attention spend is not very long, and it has to be simple for them to understand...Hmm...

I was discussing with Sophia about how to lead the children and she told me to reflect back to what I enjoyed when I was young. I told her, "I was rebellious and I enjoyed bullying my teacher." She was...speechless....haha...

God, did you hear me? Wrong person for the job, okay? =P

Haha...last day of VBS today..at least for now. =)

VBS Day 3

It was a challenging one! I need to act like a 花痴 this time. I have to praise Superman and acted like he is real and he is all that I need. It was...hilarious! The kids were looking at me like I am crazy! Haha...They told me I was dreaming and that Superman was not real. I even have to act like I was so crushed to learn that Superman wasn't real! It was funny!!

Sophia led the first 2 groups and I did the last one. Josh was there watching Sophia and he came up to me after Sophia was done with a laugh on his face, and asked, "Are you doing that for the Mission Trip?" I looked at him and said, "I am going to request for you as my assistant" Haha..we will see how that goes...

It was fun working with the children. Every time different crew comes in, I watched how each crew leader lead the children. Those crew leaders age ranged from 16 - 70. Some of them are ABC and some of them are ESL. It touches me to see how hard they are trying especially when you see how those fatherly aged man being gentle, soft and patient to the little kids and how those young people laugh and smile although the kids were being non-responsive. I am impressed, honestly.

At the end of each day, all the kids come back to the sanctuary and do the sing & dance to the closing song. You can see how happy they are! It is very contagious indeed. You started smiling in your heart. It brings so much joy to you as you are singing and dancing along with them. I started to realize why people love to work with children despite the challenges you face dealing with kids.

Sophia was telling Josh that they are molding me....Hmm....Children ministry??

VBS Day 2

VBS 的第二天，哈哈。。比較好那麼一點點而已。不小心在和小孩說話時，為自己挖了個洞，結果只好硬著頭皮跳進去咯！題目要他們寫或畫出他們害怕的東西，我嘛，就在舉例時提到我以前會怕媽媽，結果每個小傢伙反應都特別快（問別的問題又不見他們這麼熱心哪！），問我為甚麼。。我只好老實答因為我不聽話後快快轉話題。之後想想，我是不是誤人子弟呀？？

還好，後來和 Lori 聊時，她在大笑（過份！）之後說，妳老實回答他們，所以還好啦。。=__=" 看來明天還是照著劇本讀好了。

今天的電影超短，之後簡直是亂掰一通來拖時間。。很搞笑。希望 Mission Trip 時可以想到怎麼處置啦。。

之後帶動唱時，我在那兒大玩，結果 Lilian 就笑我說，看妳一副大人樣，玩起來比小孩還瘋。。是褒還是貶呢？嘿。。不管了！我，回來了！！！Yohoooo!!!!!!!!!!

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

蜂鳥是唯一可以倒過來飛的鳥。為何要往後飛呢？往前不好嗎？沒有東西是錯過的吧？是要與不要之分而已。別傻了！往前走就好了。一直往後看，小心扭到脖子哩！^-^

VBS Day 1

Started! It all started! The official start of VBS 2009, the official start of my...children ministry??!! Ehhhh.....

Thought that I was going to just watch and learn (and sit back & relax, of course ^-^), and do my first solo on Thursday, but that's not what He had planned for me. He let me flew solo today (I guessed He sensed my lazy bone deteriorating). I was so nervous that my back was all wet after I was done with the first group of children. I believe my face was probably red as well. Haha..I was much better when the second group comes around. *big sigh of relieve*

Thanks to Sophia, I have my first taste of Dockside Drive In today. She was supposed to do it till Wednesday and I will do Thursday after I observed her for 3 days but she suggested that she will take the first 2 groups and I will take the last 2. I agreed to it although I was scared. Well, you have to emm...step out of your comfort zone once in a while?? It is all good.

Thanks to my Toastmaster training, I was able to impromptu a little bit. I read from the handout a lot because I was so afraid that I might mislead all these innocent children. I was worried too because I can't talk softly like her (I am not a Mum yet! So, these traits do not exist in me! Or maybe it will never exist! Haha..only God knows). Thanks to Purpose Driven Life, I know we are all different and it is okay for me to do it My way.

Thanks to the rest of the crew who gave me confident after I finished my 1st group. Thanks to Sophia's guidance while I lead. Thanks to the dimmed light in the sanctuary, no one realized that my face was red! Haha...

God, please continue to guide and lead me so that I have the confident to lead it during the Mission Trip.

Someone impressed me today. That does not happen very often. Keep it up, dude! =)

Exhausted~~~~ Sleep~~~~ Nighty night...

贊贊贊！

選擇，要靠著信心走下去O~~
天天都在面對選擇和決定。。啊！快瘋掉了！昨天讀 Purpose Driven Life（第２２天）時，說到決定和行動。我們經常會在害怕和軟弱時問，“神啊，我們該怎麼走呢？”其實，我們該抱持著信心，做對的決定，不該坐著等事情發生。上帝總是在等我們帶著對他的信心，踏出那第一步後，才能幫助我們。

過了一個好忙的周末，卻很充實。Tina終於走了。今天崇拜後，大家擁抱道別時，都難過地。。掉淚了。是的，我是水做的啦！ 雖然相處的時光很短暫，感情卻很深。。


感謝姐妹們給我這個机會，要求我為她做個蛋糕，也讓我了解到，我，真的可以。 雖然沒有很美，但對我來說，已經很不錯了哪！沒有任何訓練，單憑，呃。。亂來一通。。嘿嘿。。
三層的海棉蛋糕，草莓奶油夾心，奶油Icing。。我的最愛！從星期五晚，弄蛋糕，到星期六設計蛋糕，下午三點半，才弄完。很累，卻很開心，滿足。接下來呢。。就要投資了。。買多幾個模型，買個提蛋糕的盒，再。。去上課啦！！這個月又不能開課，四堂中的兩堂，我都不能去。。嗚。。可惡。。上個月不行，這個月也不行，是怎樣啦！算了。。都是為上帝做事。。還好，還好。

睡覺啦。。累死了。。整個周末都沒怎麼睡。。忙到晚上九點才回到家。。垮了。。晚安。。

代禱文書插曲 (II)

不知怎地，我就成了我們團契記錄代禱事項的文書（其實是有兩個的，另一個卻每天不見蹤影）。

上周五，沒有團契，當然，我放假咯！星期三，上班上到一半，電話響了。Charlie打了電話來，問我這星期我們團契的代禱事項是否忘了電郵給教會的禱告事工？

因為這通電話，本小姐才知道還是“埋笑笑”比較好。。人家都有在看，在等嘀。。嘿嘿。。雖然本小姐總在抄寫時搞得大家啼笑皆非，但，目前還可以啦。。

上帝聽禱告，兄弟姐妹們都在為你們禱告，人生很美好。

我要快樂！

室友的男友，回頭了，或該說，改變了吧？

一個剛剛恢復單身的人，聽見這消息，該會妒忌或難過吧？嗯，很開心我沒有。心底深處，反而為她感到開心。看見她又笑了，我也心安了許多，心情也因此開朗了不少。默默為她禱告，希望這次就是最後一次了吧。

申命記33章里，摩西為以色列人祝福時，給了各支派不同的祝福。上BSF讀這一章時，學會了上帝給每個人的祝福都不一樣，我們不該因為沒有得到某個祝福而不開心或眼紅。知足，常樂。

Jesus Calling ﹣今天的靈修
人總愛躲在陰暗的角落，以為這樣就可以隱藏自己所犯的罪。在那兒，他們自怜自哀，否認自己的罪，自己的不義，怪責別人，怨恨別人。當你被你的罪拖著，感到內疚和心情沉重時，留在上帝的光里，向他認錯，接受他的寬恕，淨化自己的心，必能痊癒。

嗯，我要再快樂起來！我要再次可以發自內心地大笑！大塊，呵，謝謝你提醒了我。老朋友們，我必然會重出江湖的，你等著吧！

How do you see your life?

I am on day 5 in The Purpose Driven Life book. The question is: How do you see your life? Do you see your life as a puzzle? Roller coaster? Merry-Go-Round? Minefield?

I used to think of my life as a puzzle. You search and try your best to put all the pieces together to figure out what is the ultimate purpose. Sometimes you succeed faster, sometimes not.

When I started working, I think of my life as a roller coaster. Ups & Downs and FAST! Interesting but very intense. Every single up and down might kill you if there is a mechanical problem. I don’t really like it, just like I have lost interest in Roller Coaster after I grew up.

My coworker told me, she thinks life is a Merry-Go-Round. Sometimes you go up, sometimes you go down. Some of the time, you just go round and round. Interesting, eh?

How do you see your life?